you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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