got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
