I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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