he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
