Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
