i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
