I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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