So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
