remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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