I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
