she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will be naked everywhere
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
