it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
