Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
