You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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