I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
