I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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