The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
