the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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