Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
