i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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