This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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