I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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