just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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