You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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