Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize