I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I looked at my own cervix.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
