i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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