She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
