I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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