What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
