that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
