I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize