But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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