I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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