I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
