So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
