would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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