sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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