There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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