i think my mom watched the whole time
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
