I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
