at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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