I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
