We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
