If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
