While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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