i was born a porn star she said
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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