Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
