Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We are two peas in an std pod
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
