Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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