Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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