You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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