you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
