So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
