I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
