Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
