His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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