god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
