My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
