wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
