All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
