The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
