the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
