If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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