I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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