And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
