Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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