You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
