Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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