alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm both gender and math confused
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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