new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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