I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Two words: blizzard sex
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
