I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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