Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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