Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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