Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
