new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
